Two Tools For Changing Your Life That Don't Require Willpower

Finding Love

A new map of the path to intimacy

by Ken Page, LCSW

Two Tools For Changing Your Life That Don't Require Willpower

Learning Life-Wisdom Through Pleasure 

Published on December 30, 2011 by Ken Page, L.C.S.W. in Finding Love

 

If you're looking for more happiness and greater intimacy in the year ahead, here are two of the most valuable tools I know. Don't be deceived by the comfort and pleasure they bring; these are direct paths to profound life-change. Try them out, and enjoy the deliciously subversive experience of learning through joy.

Listen To Your Joys

In the course of a day, most of us experience small moments of pleasure or joy; an act of unexpected kindness from a loved one, placing the last touches on a job we're proud of. Usually, we enjoy the moment and just move on. What we haven't been taught is this: These small joys are actually portals to deeper streams of joy. They are more than pleasant passing moments; they can be springboards that lead us to the best parts of ourselves.

The next time you have a moment of simple happiness, take an extra moment to savor it. Simply rest, and allow its ripples to move through you. Those ripples will talk to you. They will touch you. They may evoke memories of people and things you love. Subtly, they will remind you of the things that matter most.

• What Good Is Positivity?
•  
• Creating Pathways to Resilience: The Whole Person Change Process

Each moment of joy will be different, and every time you do this exercise it will illuminate a different facet of your nature. As time goes by, you'll begin to develop a deeper familiarity with the attributes of your own personal happiness. The more you do this simple process, the more you'll experience spontaneous moments of joy and fulfillment, and the more you'll make life-choices that lead you back to your authentic joys.

Spend More Time With The People Who Inspire You

This simple resolution will bring you joy, growth, and intimacy, almost from the very beginning.

Most of us weren't taught this life-lesson: We have the right to be extravagantly choosy in deciding with whom we spend time. Unless we protect our precious time, we not only lose it, we will also lose the opportunities for growth that occur naturally with people who inspire us. Few of us really care to admit how strongly we are affected by the people around us. I've come to believe that the quality of our relationships is the single greatest determinant of our happiness.

Sometimes we choose to spend time with people who don't inspire us, for reasons of necessity, generosity or loyalty. Apart from these relationships, try spending as much time as possible with people who inspire you--and as little time as possible with everyone else.

So how do you find this rarified group of people?

Chances are, you've found them already.

Just look in your address book. Review your Facebook friends and your old emails to see who fits the following criteria:
• Do you feel valued, listened to, appreciated and respected when you're with them?
• Are they kind?
• Do they have wisdom?
• Do you frequently feel inspired by them?
• Do you respect the life they have created?
• Are they consistent in their caring for you?
Highlight the names of everyone who received a yes answer for all of the above questions. These people are your dream team, your path to happiness. Every one of them is someone you should stay close to, lean on, and give to. Each is a relationship to cultivate.
What happens when you spend your time with people who inspire you?
• You'll find their insights influencing your inner life. When you're tempted to make unwise decisions, you'll somehow remember their support and wisdom, and you will be more likely to make a better choice. At times when you're faced with a wonderful but scary opportunity, you'll imagine their voice cheering you on.
• You'll lean on each other for advice and coaching. You'll get ongoing support in your most important life-choices.
• You'll feel more empowered when facing life-challenges, and you'll feel greater satisfaction in your successes, knowing that your loved ones are right behind you.
• You'll become more of who you want to be; a person who inspires others simply by who you are.
• You'll have a happier life.

If you've become estranged from people who've proven their friendship to you over time, you might want to see if your once-valued relationship can be repaired.

If you commit to one or both of these resolutions, you will have taken an enormous step toward your own happiness. Please write and share your experiences with other readers and with me.

If you'd like to sign up for Ken's free upcoming teleclass "Discovering your Core Gifts" or wish to receive information on his classes, events and writings, please click here.


© 2011 Ken Page,LCSW. All Rights Reserved


 Source:
 Two Tools For Changing Your Life That Don't Require Willpower | Psychology Today

7 habits series Daily Practices That Fuel Epic Journeys (Part 1) | Psychology Today

Daily Practices That Fuel Epic Journeys (Part 1) | Psychology Today

Daily Practices That Fuel Epic Journeys (Part 1)

Daily Practices That Fuel Epic Journeys, Part 1

Published on April 14, 2010 by Jonathan Fields in Awake at the Wheel
 

Did you ever notice that certain people seem to consistently excel in business and life on a level that trumps everyone around them? It almost doesn't matter what comes their way or what profession they are in. They relentlessly defy the odds, see solutions and opportunities invisible to everyone else and operate, day in and day out, on a whole different level than the world around them.

They seem to have a near-mystical ability to survive and thrive.
When these individuals are your mentors they inspire a die-hard work ethic and devotion. When they are your colleagues, they engender deep respect. And, when they are your competitors, they cultivate frustration, awe and even envy.

Ever wonder what it would be like to be able to do what they do, stand in their shoes and consistently win like they win?

“Well,” comes the instant response, “unfortunately, I wasn’t born into genius the way they were. Some peoples’ brains just work differently.” That may be true. Some peoples' brains do just work differently. For some, effortless success seems all but a natural state. But, genetics alone is rarely the answer.

There’s something else. Actually a number of other things.

Hard work and intensive study? Definitely part of the equation. Personal and professional alignment. Yup. But, still, there’s something more. Something the most-elite performers know that you don’t. A secret. Actually, 3 secrets. Okay, there are really a lot more, but we'll stick with 3 for now.

These three practices have become essential parts of the daily routines of many of the top entrepreneurs, athletes, artists and C-suite execs in the world. Many have figured out, through experience, that these practices have an astonishing impact on creativity, critical thinking, problem solving, efficiency and ability to function at peak levels through long hours and high-level stress. But, only recently has science begun to validate the professional-impact of these practices.

Enough already, what are they?

This is the first post in a 3-part series that will explore three remarkably simple, yet transformative daily practices. Ones that begin to form a foundation for epic journeys, creative breakthroughs and visionary success. Onward, then, to the first practice.

Practice #1: Building In Space

Huh? Yes, building in space. Simple fact, the greatest innovations, the boldest solutions, the most creative options rarely ever come when you are deep into the process of innovating, solving or creating. How is that possible?

Legendary Harvard Medical School professor, bestselling author and founder of the modern relaxation-response, Herbert Benson, explains it beautifully in his book, The Breakout Principle.

Benson describes a common scenario. A business-person puts in a seemingly gargantuan effort to solve a problem, without success, only to give in to exhaustion. At her wit's end, she decides she needs space and steps away from the quest. Once removed, lightning strikes. A brilliant solution literally “come out of nowhere.”

You only need to look inside to know this works.

Reality is, you don’t need to hang your hat on this anecdote in order to connect with the concept. Think about your own personal processes. Trace your way back through some of your most powerful visionary moments, your greatest innovations and most creative solutions. Very likely, you’ll remember working like crazy, putting in long hours, getting close, but not quite coming up with the answer.

Then, often driven by frustration, you step away, go for a walk, take a nap, hit a bucket of balls, listen to B.B. King and Stevie Ray Vaughan playing Blues at Midnight (my personal fave)…and suddenly, it hits you. A solution that allows you to move forward and very likely continue to operate on a higher-level for some time after.

Hard work is still a critical part of the equation.

That’s not to say that hard work is unnecessary. In fact, there are two steps to this process. Before stepping “away,” you need to first invest a serious effort in discovering your breakthrough solution or creation. Struggle with it, toil with it, think of every conceivable option, permutation and invocation. Put in the time, the hours, the energy. You need to do the work first. This is where you plant the seeds.

Then, once planted and gardened with all your heart. If the answers coming aren’t at the level you need them to be. It’s time for step two—step away. Completely away.

Make a deliberate effort to build space into your process.

Turn off your cell-phone, blackberry and computer. Get out of your office and away from everyone who draws you back into the process. Because that is the place where magic often happens.

There is some interesting science behind this Renegade Practice.

Benson actually goes a giant step beyond describing the phenomenon and adds a biochemical explanation. He argues that releases or “puffs” of nitric oxide (NO), one of the body’s most powerful and ubiquitous chemical messengers, during the downtime that follows intense bouts of brain-function, are behind these superhuman bouts of innovation and creation. And, his research delivers, at the very least, strong “correlative,” if not “causative” proof of his theory (for more details, check out his boobook).  

Interestingly, many ancient contemplative practices acknowledge a similar revelatory effect. 

Indeed, many schools of philosophy and religion teach the need to take regular breaks from day to day activities as a tool to awaken realizations and solutions.

In his book, The Diamond Cutter, Geshe Michael Roach advocates taking a Circle Day once a week—a day away from work, family and any distractions—as a means of facilitating clarity and enhancing creative breakthroughs.

He literally builds in a full day of space. And, credits this with helping to build a $100 million diamond business in NYC (don't ask what a Buddhist Geshe was doing covertly building a diamond empire, that's for another conversation).

So, where does this leave us?

With a simple three-step practice. The more we honor it, the more powerful it becomes.

• Step 1 – Define the challenge/problem
• Step 2 – Work like crazy to find a solution
• Step 3 – Build in space. Make a deliberate practice of stepping away, completely away and giving your brain and biology the opportunity to deliver unwitting greatness into your lap. Or, if you’re able, set aside a true Circle Day or half-day (or hour, whatever is practical with your job/life), commit to it for 90-days, and watch what unfolds.

Test it yourself!

As always, I’d never ask you to buy into anything you cannot test with your own experience.
So, now we know the first of our three foundation Transformative Practices. But, we still have two extraordinarily powerful practices to dive into. And, it only gets more impactful in parts 2 and 3 of this series.


So, stay tuned and be sure you're subscribed so you don't miss parts 2 & 3...


Jonathan Fields is the author of Career Renegade: How to Make a Great Living Doing What You Love.  He writes and speaks on meaningful work, being a lifestyle entrepreneur and creativity at JonathanFields.com and is a twitter heavy-user at @jonathanfields

7 Ways to Enhance Focus, Creativity, Productivity and Performance - Part 2

 Time for Mindset Domination Strategy #2.

7 Ways to Enhance Focus, Creativity, Productivity and Performance | Psychology Today

 Attentional Training


There’s one very special thing that many do, religiously, that really helps push them over the edge from good to professional super-power good. And while many do it intentionally, far more don’t even realize they do it. Or, they don’t realize how or why it works or how critical it is to their success.

I wonder when the last time you felt any of these was?

• Stressed,
• Anxious,
• Tired,
• Unfocused,
• Depressed,
• Moody or
• Burned-out.

Reality is, everyone experiences these on some level virtually every day, but your ability to handle, quickly recover from and master these states so often makes the difference between worker-bee and executive suite in the high stakes world of business. Think about it, what is the corollary to the above states?

• Calm
• Content
• Energized
• Highly-focused
• Upbeat
• Even-keeled and
• Optimistic

There is a simple daily practice that has the ability to not only make the dramatic changes in mindset and operating state noted above, but alter your “attentional” abilities to literally allow you to see things others miss.

This hugely-beneficial daily practice is called Attentional Training (AT) and it comes in many formats, both active and seated (heck, even lying down). Regardless of how it pursed, though, the critical elements always include the cultivation of high-levels of sustained focus that are required either by instruction or by the intrinsic nature of the activity.

How powerful is this practice?

Done right, AT induces a psycho-physiological state where your heart-rate, blood pressure and levels of stressor hormones all drop precipitously, while your attention becomes highly-focused. And, inducing this state on a regular basis not only helps your mindset, it dramatically lowers your risk for heart-disease, diabetes, and various other life-limiting conditions. It helps you sleep deeper, longer and wake fewer times at night and it can lower anxiety, stress and depression. That’s where the focus has been in most of the research.

More recently, though, we’ve discovered these practices have a monumental impact on professional performance.

Back in 2007, a team of researchers from China and the University of Oregon reported a study that showed improvements in a person's attention and response to stress after only 5-days of practicing their specialized IBMT protocol (more on this later). The lead investigator’s wrote, “after training the experimental group showed less cortisol release, indicating a greater improvement stress regulation. The experimental group also showed lower levels of anxiety, depression, anger and fatigue than was the case in the control group.”

Other studies back up these conclusions and one fascinating study reported in Live Science even revealed improvement in what has been termed “attentional blink” after 3-months of a more intensive form of training.

How to see what everyone else misses...

Apparently when we’re shown two images in rapid succession, most of us don’t see the second image, because we are busy processing the first. It’s almost as if we had blinked. That means, all day long, we are literally not seeing things that are right in front of us. In fact, most of the time, we don't even see a good part of the first image. Don't believe me?

Take a look back at the photo of the monkeys above and see if there's something, oh, just a bit unusual about the one on the left.

Researchers studying a very intensive form of AT called insight meditation discovered that, after three months of training, people were able to see far more of the “second” images than those who were not similarly trained.

With Attentional Training, they could literally see what everyone around them missed. 

I wonder how much of an edge that would give you in business and life?


The C-Suite climbs on board

Constantly driven to be better at what they do, the mounting research has led more and more C-suite leaders and thinkers to engage in this practice.

According to an article in Fortune Magazine:

Devotees include junk-bond-king-turned-philanthropist Mike Milken; Bill George, the former Medtronic CEO; ad industry mogul Renetta McCann; and NBA coach Phil Jackson. Silicon Valley is full of meditators, such as Marc Benioff, the CEO of Salesforce.com, and Larry Brilliant, head of Google's philanthropic efforts. Naturally, a crew of Google employees has organized twice-weekly open meditation hours, at which it has hosted Tibetan monks and a team of mind-science researchers….Particularly hard-core is Bob Shapiro, the former CEO of Monsanto, who has done three ten-day silent retreats and is considering a 30-day tour.

In that same article, bestselling author of Never Eat Alone and master business networker, Keith Ferrazzi, reveals the key to connecting is “not being an asshole” and cites the most effective path to be AT.

It works, whether you want it to or not

Well, that sounds interesting, comes the reply, but I don’t go for that namby-pamby mindset voodoo crap. Plus, I can tell you that most of the people I know with that magical professional edge don’t do all of the things mentioned above.

Quotes

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
- Jim Rohn 

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves you too full to embrace the present. 

- Jan Glidewell

**************************************************
 

There is no beginning of the infinite, for in that case it would have an end. 

But it is without beginning and indestructible, as being a sort of first principle; for it is necessary that whatever comes into existence should have an end, and there is a conclusion of all destruction. 

Wherefore as we say, there is no first principle of this [i.e. the infinite], but it itself seems to be the first principle of all other things and to surround all and to direct all, as they say who think that there are no other causes besides the infinite (such as mind, or friendship), but that it itself is divine; for it is immortal and indestructible, as Anaximandros and most of the physicists say.

- Aristotle on Anaximander (Phys. iii. 4; 203 b 7.)

Find your path and your purpose

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.

Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.

I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run – in the long-run, I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.

 -Victor E. Frankel

 
More timeless words from Victor Frankel’s Man’s Search for Meaning:

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes – within the limits of endowment and environment- he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions.

Viktor Frankl on Youth in Search of Meaning 1972:

 Life is always about becoming or going toward a destination; you never reach an endpoint. 

Save the flora and fauna of our planet

"One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity."

~Albert Schweitzer

 

This  blog attempts to spread the word that animals need protection, as does habitat.

My situation means you won't see me in the field but I do have a computer and Google blogs to help tell the story.  People becoming aware of his plight in every possible manner is the goal.  Blogs can highlight the work of environmentalists and zoologists and other specialists working in the field.  

Sahsa Dichter's words are quoted to give encouragement to people working to save the planet and its inhabitants.  Remember the commercial to end littering," Every Litter bit hurts"?  Well, every little  effort helps.


Acumen Fund where Mr. Dichter works is doing many great things in the lesser developed countries making investments versus philanthropy.  They are admirable for taking a different approach and trying to see the money is invested in the people of these countries and the money does not just go to support large institutions or corrupt politicians.

Sasha  is a good thinker with a great facility with words so it is inacumbent upon me to leave  this  quote  intact.  I could only ruin his meaning by editing... LOL


Your idea | Sasha Dichter's Blog
 

Your idea

Posted on May 16, 2012

 

At the start it’s just smoke, a wisp. It has no substance or form.

You can take it around to people for help shaping it, so you can better understand what it could be.

But the thing is, at the start it has no mass, and until it does it’s impossible for people to really do much of anything about it.  They can talk and you can talk, and that’s about it.

Mass gives it the ability to go places.  Mass means that with a push it can break through things.

Talk is fine, but the real work is giving your idea some mass.

Your idea | Sasha Dichter's Blog 

Your idea

Posted on May 16, 2012

 

At the start it’s just smoke, a wisp. It has no substance or form.

You can take it around to people for help shaping it, so you can better understand what it could be.

But the thing is, at the start it has no mass, and until it does it’s impossible for people to really do much of anything about it.  They can talk and you can talk, and that’s about it.

Mass gives it the ability to go places.  Mass means that with a push it can break through things.


Talk is fine, but the real work is giving your idea some mass.

The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing

The entire introduction reveals the difference between the writer's intention or story she is trying to tell versus the interpretations her readers put on her story.

She is very critical of the education system:

 "Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: 'You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself — educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being molded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society.”

Source:

The Golden Notebook 
by Doris Lessing
Introduction - 1971
Perennial Classics edition

Life is like that.

Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.
-- Theodore Isaac

Life is indeed difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we must overcome in order to survive, and partly because of our own innate desire to always do better, to overcome new challenges, to self-actualize. Happiness is experienced largely in striving towards a goal, not in having attained things, because our nature is always to want to go on to the next endeavor.
-- Albert Ellis

You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.
-- Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000 

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
-- Ben Stein

Man is born to live, not to prepare for life.
-- Boris Pasternak (1890 - 1960), Doctor Zhivago, 1958 

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
-- Brendan Gill

 Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
-- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957) 

Life is full of surprises and and serendipity. Being open to unexpected turns in the road is an important part of success. If you try to plan every step, you may miss those wonderful twists and turns. Just find your next adventure-do it well, enjoy it-and then, not now, think about what comes next.
-- Condoleeza Rice 

In matters of self-control as we shall see again and again, speed kills. But a little friction really can save lives.
-- Daniel Akst, We Have Met the Enemy: Self-Control in an Age of Excess, 2011

When we exercise self-control on a given occasion, we win for ourselves a little credibility we can rely on the next time around. Pretty soon we develop a reputation to ourselves that we want badly to uphold. With each test that we meet, our resolve gains momentum, fueled by the fear that we may succumb and establish a damaging precedent for our own weakness.
-- Daniel Akst, We Have Met the Enemy: Self-Control in an Age of Excess, 2011 

Life is a thing that mutates without warning, not always in enviable ways. All part of the improbable adventure of being alive, of being a brainy biped with giant dreams on a crazy blue planet.
-- Diane Ackerman, One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, A Marriage, and the Language of Healing, 2011 

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
-- Dick Werthimer 

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.
-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), Not So Deep as a Well (1937)

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950)

Life is just one damned thing after another.
-- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) 

 

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
-- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )

Life is something that everyone should try at least once.
--Henry J. Tillman 

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
-- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) 

Life is difficult and complicated and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
-- J. K. Rowling, Harvard Commencement Address, 2008

Life is a long lesson in humility.
--James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) 

He only earns his freedom and existence who daily conquers them anew.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) 

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
-- John Lennon (1940 - 1980), "Beautiful Boy"

In real life, however, you don't react to what someone did; you react only to what you think she did, and the gap between action and perception is bridged by the art of impression management. If life itself is but what you deem it, then why not focus your efforts on persuading others to believe that you are a virtuous and trustworthy cooperator?
-- Jonathan Haidt, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, 2005 

The lessons this life has planted in my heart pertain more to caring than crops, more to Golden Rule than gold, more to the proper choice than to the popular choice.
Kirby Larson, Hattie Big Sky, 2006 

Life ain't like books. Books got somebody writin' 'em and tryin' to entertain ya. Life is more like set of Legos. Unless you take care of 'em, you lose a few pieces and you end up steppin' on 'em with bare feet. You gotta take care of your life.
Laura Moncur (1969 - ), Merriton: 35 Minutes Away From Home, 02-29-12

Nature has invented reproduction as a mechanism for life to move forward. As a life force that passes right through us and makes us a link in the evolution of life.
Louis Schwartzberg, TED, the hidden beauty of pollination, March 2011

Life is fickle; the fair man doesn't invariably win.
Mark Hodder, The Strange Affair of Spring Heeled Jack 

(Burton & Swinburne in), 2010

The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values.
Norman Thomas (1884 - 1968) 

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brenda Gill


The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
Ben Stein


The unexamined life is not worth living.
Socrates


The goal of life is living in agreement with nature.
-- Zeno


Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
-- Hans Christian


When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
-- Erma Bombeck


I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
--- Elwyn Brooks White